Released: October 29, 2007

Researcher Urges Relationship “Strength Training” for Families, Offers Tips

MANHATTAN, Kan – After traveling with his family to 18 countries to study the differences in families, a University of Nebraska researcher reports “striking similarities.”

Families, their homes and environments may look different, but their basic values – a desire to be together and care for and support each other as a unit – are similar, said John DeFrain, a specialist in family and community development at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln.

“Community structure will vary, but typically it’s the people who love and care for each other, who are the backbone of life,” said DeFrain, who noted that money and career cannot guarantee a strong family.

DeFrain’s comments were part of a presentation to Kansas State University Research and Extension agents in Manhattan, Kan.

The researcher said that he’s generally optimistic about families and their role in society, and that he “believes 70 to 75 percent of American families are doing reasonably well.”

Saying that still leaves room for improvement, said DeFrain, who recommended the “American Family Strengths Inventory,” a tool he uses to help families identify their strengths and areas that offer opportunities for potential growth.

The low-stress assessment may offer some surprises, cautioned DeFrain: “Don’t expect all family members to be at the same place.”

Depending on the ages, stages of life and interests, parents and children may not, for example, see eye-to-eye on how to spend free time, he said.

“Learning about each other is part of the fun,” said DeFrain, who identified six key topics, each with 10-14 statements in the assessment.

Use “S” to identify strengths, a “G” to indicate opportunities for growth, or a “NA” for statements that do not apply to your family, said DeFrain, who offered this sampler:

* Enjoyable Time Together

Sample statement: We enjoy having unplanned, spontaneous activities together.

* Appreciation and Affection for Each Other

Sample statement: We enjoy being thoughtful of each other.

* Communicating Effectively with Each Other

Sample statement: We respect each other’s point of view.

* Valuing Each Other and Demonstrating Commitment

Sample statement: We find it easy to trust each other.

* Spiritual Well-Being

Sample statement: We have a hopeful attitude toward life.

* Managing Stress and Crisis Effectively

Sample statement: We can work together to solve very difficult family problems.

There are no right or wrong answers, just opportunities to learn more about the family as a unit and each of its members, DeFrain said.

DeFrain recommends that families repeat the assessment periodically, as families change with their age and stage in life. He offered a personal example: This year, he asked his adult children for one-on-one time, rather than a Father’s Day gift. Then, when a daughter approached him about a Sunday outing, he suggested a leisurely visit to his grandparents’ hometown to show his daughter where his grandparents’ parents (and her great-grandparents) had met, married and raised their family.

“We’ve made this trip before, but now that our daughter is older, her personal history will mean more,” said DeFrain, who noted that a day with his daughter was certainly better than a shirt or a new tie.

Spending enjoyable time together strengthens the family, he said. And, strengthening the family strengthens the family unit and each of the family members.

A downloadable copy of the “American Family Strengths Inventory,” which DeFrain developed with fellow researcher Nick Stinnett, professor in the Department of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa, is available at: http://www.extension.unl.edu. Click on Family, then Publications, and choose “Family Life Relationships.” Search for “Creating a Strong Family: American Family Strengths Inventory” NF 498.

More information on managing successful family relationships also is available from K-State Research and Extension offices and on the Extension Web site: www.oznet.ksu.edu.

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K-State Research and Extension is a short name for the Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension Service, a program designed to generate and distribute useful knowledge for the well-being of Kansans. Supported by county, state, federal and private funds, the program has county Extension offices, experiment fields, area Extension offices and regional research centers statewide. Its headquarters is on the K-State campus, Manhattan.

Story by:
Nancy Peterson
nancyp@oznet.ksu.edu
K-State Research& Extension News