Released: March 03, 2006

Tips Smooth Way for Successful Relationships

MANHATTAN, Kan. – Relationships are like flowers – most can benefit from a little TLC, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

“When building a relationship, it’s natural to want to impress – or please – the other person,” Olsen said.

“As the comfort level in the relationship grows, however, people may step back and begin taking the relationship for granted,” she said. When that happens, a couple – or close friends, for that matter – may begin distancing themselves from each other and become more like roommates, sharing parallel lives as they grow apart.

To nurture personal and professional relationships, Olsen offered the following tips:

* Be respectful, even when you disagree. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but often more easily resolved when both parties are willing to share responsibility and consider a compromise. If angry, allow time to cool down. Speak softly when bringing up an issue, as a soothing tone of voice can diffuse anger and keep a disagreement from escalating.

* Express admiration or fondness and offer a compliment, such as “I appreciate your apology” or “Thanks for filling up the car with gas.”

* Be on the lookout for cues and capitalize on them. Here’s an example: In the middle of a dry, mild winter, a spouse announces that he has just watered the trees and shrubs. Using the announcement as a cue to nurture their relationship, his wife might respond: “That’s great. I read an article in the paper that recommended watering to reduce the danger of fire in dry conditions.”

A response such as “You must be crazy … it’s winter!” or “Did you bring in the paper?” can disappoint the person who thinks he or she is doing a good deed, and create distance between the couple.

Listening for cues also can prompt partners, friends, family members or co-workers to engage each other. If one person offers a new idea in the midst of a discussion, the other can follow up with “I never thought about that …” and then ask him or her to tell more.

* Celebrate personal traditions, such as a birthday or anniversary, an evening out that replicates a first date, or party after completing an annual project around the house or at work.

* Don’t assume that you should rush forward to solve a partner’s or friend’s problems. Set aside your own agenda, be attentive and listen intently. Make eye contact, nod or offer an “Uh-huh” occasionally, but don’t offer advice unless you’re asked.

* Share your hopes and dreams AND honor the hopes and dreams of others.

More information on managing relationships successfully is available at county and district K-State Research and Extension offices and on Extension’s Web site: www.oznet.ksu.edu.

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K-State Research and Extension is a short name for the Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension Service, a program designed to generate and distribute useful knowledge for the well-being of Kansans. Supported by county, state, federal and private funds, the program has county Extension offices, experiment fields, area Extension offices and regional research centers statewide. Its headquarters is on the K-State campus, Manhattan.

Story by:
Nancy Peterson
nancyp@oznet.ksu.edu
K-State Research& Extension News