Released: February 01, 2002

Sidebars with this story:
What, no Valentine?
Thought Counts When Choosing a Gift
Listening is Important After Loss

Valentine’s Day is Feb. 14
Focus on Relationship, Not Gift

MANHATTAN, Kan. – An expensive Valentine gift may not improve your relationship. It can, in fact, stress it, particularly when a costly gift is placed on a credit card that will need to be paid off in the months to come, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

"Our culture urges us to spend, but the relationship, and not the gift, should be the focus," said Olsen, who urged couples to talk about their expectations before gift-giving occasions.

"Price usually has little to do with how well a gift will be received. For example, allowing your spouse to sleep in while you take care of the children may be appreciated far more than a floral delivery," she said.

Relationships are cyclical; ups and downs are inevitable. While romance can give way to routine, the importance of nurturing a relationship remains. Little things count, said Olsen.

"Saying ‘thank you’ for running an errand or warming up the car; offering a compliment – ‘you look great in that outfit’– or helping with a project when your partner is trying to meet a deadline may nurture a relationship far more than an expensive gift," she said.

Nurturing is, however, not limited to male-female relationships. Letting parents and children, family and friends know that you care about them is important, too, said Olsen, who offered these examples:

* If a brother or sister, uncle or aunt, or longtime friend lives out of town, call or e-mail to let them know that you are thinking of them.

* Offer to pick up a few groceries for a neighbor who’s ill.

* Tell a friend how much you value your friendship with them, or the family down the street how much you enjoy seeing their flower garden when you walk by.

Take the time to let others know you value your relationship with them. Focus on the positive, and build on it, Olsen said.

For more information on managing personal relationships successfully, interested persons may contact the local K-State Research and Extension office.

What, no Valentine?

Singles who are searching for a perfect mate may find that special someone when they least expect it, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

Looking is often not productive. Doing something you enjoy – like volunteering on a community project, joining a walking or other exercise group, participating as a member of a team or community chorale – is likely to be far more interesting. Doing so also can provide an opportunity to meet someone with similar interests, she said.

Thought Counts When Choosing Gift

Children who play with a box, rather than the toy that came in it, can teach gift-givers a lesson – appreciation may have little to do with cost, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

On the eve of Valentine’s Day, when romantic gifts may also be expensive gifts, Olsen encouraged couples to talk about their expectations. For example, help around the house may be

be appreciated as much or more as a floral delivery, she said.

For more information on managing personal relationships successfully, contact the local K-State Research and Extension office.

Listening Important After Loss

Losing a spouse, family member or special friend can dim the joy of holiday celebrations.

While sympathy – and empathy – can’t make up for a loss, acknowledging the loss, and listening to the person who has experienced it most closely can be important to the grieving and healing process, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

"Be patient, and listen carefully. Reminiscing about a special time that you spent with the person who has died recently can help the person who has experienced the loss know that others appreciated their special someone, too," Olsen said.

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K-State Research and Extension is a short name for the Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension Service, a program designed to generate and distribute useful knowledge for the well-being of Kansans. Supported by county, state, federal and private funds, the program has county Extension offices, experiment fields, area Extension offices and regional research centers statewide. Its headquarters is on the K-State campus, Manhattan.

Story by:
Nancy Peterson, Communications Specialist
npeterso@oznet.ksu.edu
K-State Research& Extension News