Released: June 14, 2001

Olsen: Invest 15 Minutes a Day To Improve Relationship

MANHATTAN, Kan. – Sharing thoughts, ideas – and even concerns – on a regular basis can contribute to a healthier, more satisfying relationship, but many people say they often have difficulty expressing themselves, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

Investing a few minutes a day can, however, make a significant difference in improving communications skills: Life is made up of moments – that’s why as little as five, 10 or 15 minutes can be helpful, she said.

"Women often are cited as better communicators, but improving communications skills is as important for women as it is for men," said the family systems specialist, who offered these easy-to-do-communications tips:

* Ask for your mate’s opinion.

"Give your partner credit – he or she chose you. Consider their opinion valuable," Olsen said.

* Don’t expect to agree all of the time.

"Conflict is inevitable whenever – or wherever – there is more than one person. Couples who can learn to replace naturally-occurring competitiveness with a spirit of cooperation and willingness to compromise are likely to have fewer conflicts, and also to be more able to resolve conflicts that do occur," Olsen said.

Simple solutions often are enough to resolve an issue. For example, sharing the remote control may be all that’s needed to reach a compromise on viewing choices.

* Learn to choose your time.

"If you’re upset about something, like a higher-than-normal credit card bill, choose an appropriate time to bring it up. Limit distractions and keep emotions in check to speed resolution," she said.

* Be thoughtful.

"Positive comments, especially little things like saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’ or offering a compliment like ‘That was a great dinner!’ or ‘Thanks for vacuuming out the car,’ help strengthen relationships," Olsen said.

* Share good times and bad.

Everyone has days when things don’t go as planned. Sharing lows (without dwelling on them) as well as the highs can help partners weather difficult times that are an inevitable part of life, she said.

* Don’t expect tangible rewards.

Nurturing a relationship improves the quality of the relationship, but it isn’t likely to offer a tangible reward like a letter of commendation after completing a difficult work project. A couple’s reward – knowing that you have someone in your corner – may be the best of all rewards.

* Have fun – laugh with each other.

"Couples often get caught up in day-to-day living and neglect to take time needed to nurture their relationship with each other. Yet, setting aside a few minutes to talk over coffee or walk around the block together can reaffirm concern, respect and affection for each other. Setting aside time together regularly is likely to improve a couple’s relationship. It also can help build a more stable base for their life as individuals, as a couple and as a family," the family systems specialist said.

For more information on building personal relationships, interested persons can contact the local K-State Research and Extension office.

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K-State Research and Extension is a short name for the Kansas State University Agricultural Experiment Station and Cooperative Extension Service, a program designed to generate and distribute useful knowledge for the well-being of Kansans. Supported by county, state, federal and private funds, the program has county Extension offices, experiment fields, area Extension offices and regional research centers statewide. Its headquarters is on the K-State campus, Manhattan.

Story by:
Nancy Peterson, Communications Specialist
npeterso@oznet.ksu.edu
K-State Research& Extension News