MANHATTAN, Kan. – Visiting others can be an important growth step for children, but the visits usually are most successful when a child is prepared, said Charlotte Shoup Olsen, Kansas State University Research and Extension family systems specialist.

"While visiting family may seem natural, such visits are likely to be more successful if they are preceded by a few outings that allow a child to increase their comfort level with the host before trying a day-long visit or overnight," Olsen said.

Familiar foods and activities usually contribute to a child’s comfort and sense of security, but new experiences also can be beneficial. A ‘mix’ may be best, but scheduling ‘down’ time is encouraged – over-scheduling may not leave a child enough time to explore who they are or develop a new interest. They may, for example, want to keep fishing with Grandpa or playing with cousins, rather than rushing on to another activity.

"Non-stop schedules add unnecessary stress and fatigue that may spoil a visit," Olsen said.

A child also may prefer to sleep in a room that is in close proximity to their hosts’ room, or on a daybed in the same room, rather than in a guest room that isn’t close by, she said.

Visits with extended family or a special friend often create memories that endure for generations. While the visits are likely to provide new opportunities and experiences for a child, they also can help a child feel more secure because their experiences foster a sense of personal history and community.

"The interest and encouragement of others can be encouraging to a child. After all, as adults, most of us are likely to do better when we know others are rooting for us," Olsen said.

Smoothing the way for divorced parents

Arranging visitation can be difficult for divorced or separated parents, particularly when former spouses remain angry or bitter. Parents are encouraged to set aside personal anger and hostility.

"Placing a child in the middle or asking them to snoop can spur conflict, rather than reduce it.

If necessary, treat travel arrangements for visitation like business," the family systems specialist said.

Children need to know that both parents love and support them. In most cases, encouraging a child to spend time with the other parent – or wishing them well when they leave – doesn’t detract from the custodial parent. It can, in fact, strengthen the child’s relationship with them because it frees the child to have a relationship with both parents, Olsen said.

For more information on building successful family relationships, interested persons are encouraged to contact their local K-State Research and Extension office.