Extension Human Nutrition, Kansas State University
Family Mealtime
Introduction
Mealtime for families is extremely important. Healthy families value table time and
conversation. Therapists say "there is a relationship between the love in a home and
the richness of the family table". (ref 1)
Meals are Important
It is hard with busy family schedules to have family meals, but do try. School-age
children are still small and dependent enough to be worried if you don't look out for
them. They may not show it, but they do worry if there aren't meals, or if the meal times
are erratic. They wonder if they are going to be fed, and their concern makes it hard for
them to move on to their other tasks.
Children who eat meals do better nutritionally than children who merely snack. The
nutrients they often miss out on are vitamins A & C from vegetables and fruits.
Mealtime Behavior
Lay out clear expectations for mealtime behavior. Children need to know that if they
behave badly at the table, they'll have to leave. It's important that your child come to
the table and socialize even if she isn't hungry. Ask the child to stay at the table for a
certain length of time (maybe 20 minutes) to socialize whether she eats or not.
Do not criticize anything at mealtime. Studies have shown that children eat less and do
not do as well nutritionally when they are catching a lot of criticism from their parents.
Consequences, not criticism, work for improving mealtime behavior. Set reasonable
expectations about behavior at the table and what will happen if they don't comply. Hand
out the consequences promptly and they'll know you mean business.
Mealtime behavior is a matter of degree and attitude. Simple kid behaviors include using
fingers to push peas onto a spoon or picking up pieces of meat. School age kids (6-11 yrs)
still have a limited number of foods they readily accept, too. Don't despair, acceptance
of a greater variety of foods will increase.
Bad behaviors include an attitudinal shift and include whining or complaining about the
food, begging for foods that are not on the table, or eating in disgusting ways. If he
can't behave properly ask him to leave the table (no food goes with him and he can't come
back for dessert), and don't let him eat until the next planned snack time.
Make Mealtime Pleasant
Make mealtime pleasant with conversation and sharing. When you keep in mind the
"division of responsibility" (see Feeding Children handout) you can let your
child do their job - eat or not eat. You don't need to be concerned with how much or how
little he eats.
Make a joint agreement with your spouse and children to make mealtime peaceful. This is
not a time to discuss problems of money, school, or relationships.
Mealtime rituals can be fun and comforting. Maybe take turns saying the prayer or having
someone start the conversation. Most people enjoy talking about the day's events.
Ref 1: Taken from Traits of a Healthy Family by Delores Curran, 1983, Ballantine
Books, NY
